Thursday, May 8, 2008

Law Students Can be Well, Um, Dumb

A while back I received an email from a law school buddy looking for some friendly alumni advice. Being a good friend, I took the time to respond in proper law school format - the good ol' Issue, Rule, Analysis, Conclusion (IRAC).

If you were friends with a stripper - who you met before she became a stripper - and she asked you to act as security for a private engagement where she would be making $100 an hour, do you think your wife or girlfriend ("gf") would have a valid argument that you shouldn't do it?

The rule is, husbands and boyfriends are to strippers what paraplegics are to pogo sticks. That is, they should be enjoyed only safely from a distance and no touching is allowed.

If you're in something that either one of you thinks of as a committed relationship, then (a) you shouldn't be anything closer than two-arms-length acquaintances with a stripper; (b) if B doesn't apply, she should be so hot that she charges at least $500 an hour; (c) if (a) and (b) are satisfied, you shouldn't be present when & where that stripper friend is stripping; if (a) and (b) are satisfied but not (c), your gf/wife must also be present; (d) what on earth makes you think you're qualified to act as security to a stripper? do you know have a five point exploding heart death grip that I don't know of?; (e) remember, "security" for a stripper at a "private party" is rat's hair's distance away from "pimp"; (f) while some partners around here may disagree with the above-analysis, [firm redacted] could revoke your offer if anything negative sprang from that activity.


(a) Apologize immediately & profusely to gf/wife for asking the question in the first place, (b) buy her something big and shiny and (c) promise to not to be such a bonehead in the future.

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